I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
