You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
