I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
