I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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