fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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