It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
