Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
