I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This house was built for laser tag.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
