why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
