I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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