It's Friday. Sex?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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