Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
