im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
