You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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