My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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