my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
