What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
