Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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