You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
