so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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