Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
