I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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