Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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