Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize