haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
