he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
