Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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