So drunk its hurt
i wish my penis had a tongue
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
