Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
