I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize