You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
