I skipped work to stalk him.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
