she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
