I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
