i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
