Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
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