I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize