I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
