I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
