I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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