i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
