dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drunk is a universal language darling
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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