i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
