you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
