somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Small penises have feelings too.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
