New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
