worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Damn victory sex feels great
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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