is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
