Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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