i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
