so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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