Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
