then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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