I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
