I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
soo... how was my night?
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