Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize