i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
