New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
