Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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