Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
