I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
