Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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