3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
