I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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