She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize